Faking It — The Sun & Imposter Syndrome, Part 1
Faking It — The Sun & Imposter Syndrome, Part 1
In the last “Ask Me Anything” I did on Instagram, someone asked me: “Did you deal with imposter syndrome within your craft? More specifically with putting your services into the world? If you did, any tips for working through it?”
The quick response is yes and yes. As for tips, it seems they can’t be made shorter than this two part essay. Imposter syndrome was already a big topic in my practice because of my 5th House reading but now that I launched Rays of Light, my Sun and fixed star reading, I am talking about it all the time. It makes sense. Imposter syndrome is a solar phenomenon. Solar virtues are also the way through it.
To the person who asked me those questions, this is for you. Thanks for waiting so long.
The Sun is the guide and so it is where we will begin.
Rays of Light
Most astrology books I’ve read describe the Sun with huge words that sound good and important but leave me unsure in their bigness and lack of cultural context, words like “soul” and “purpose” and “life force.” I have had a hard time getting inside those words, until recently (see “The Sun, Our Unfixed Star” and “Enter The Throne Room”).
Here’s where I’ve landed. In a birth chart, the Sun is the scene of you trying to be a person. The Sun is the project of cohering the many limbs of the cosmos into the small ambulating creature you are, one who is both specific and interwoven. The Sun is the scene of you trying to make yourself legible to anyone else, and how and why you bother trying. It describes how you grapple with the concept of identity — how you define it, how you know and don’t know yourself, and whether these questions are central to your life or if they barely ever come up. There are as many approaches to these types of questions as there are birth charts.
If the Sun points to that tricky word “purpose,” then its place in the chart shines on what we bring to the potluck of the world. The Sun articulates our unique place in the whole as well as our fears that we do not have a place at all. The Sun is there in your attempts to close the gaps between how you see yourself, what you do, and how other people perceive you. It is also your acceptance, if you’re lucky, of those gaps.
The Sun is the heart: it is presence, courage, belonging, and clarity.
Part of the reason why imposter syndrome is so painful is because it can keep us from connection and purpose, while promising them both — as long as we don’t get caught. If we’re trying to understand imposter syndrome with the help of astrology, I can think of no better celestial sphere to turn toward than the Sun.
A lot of the advice I see online about “overcoming imposter syndrome” is about having more confidence, celebrating your “wins,” and realizing a lot of people feel this way too. Personally, this advice hasn’t helped me much and I haven’t seen it help my clients either.
What has been more useful:
To deconstruct imposter syndrome into the values it depends upon. Nearly all my clients disagree with those values. Simply knowing you disagree with a thing does not release its hold on you but it is a crucial beginning.
To recognize that the presence of imposter feelings usually signals you are at a threshold. It is really hard to know who you are in those moments and yet this is what imposter syndrome seems to demand.
To notice when imposter syndrome makes points. What I mean is sometimes it is good to doubt ourselves. A little doubt helps me set expectations and make plans. A little doubt loosens my tight grip, making me more open to criticism and positive feedback, which also means a little doubt encourages my discernment. It is also worthwhile to question how we’ll use power if we get more of it and how we got it. It’s harder for these things to be in the room if the solution is just “be more confident.”
Having given imposter syndrome its due, push aside the obscuring shroud of imposter syndrome to see the harder fears and desires that it hides. This is the hardest part and requires solar clarity, courage, generosity, and heart.
I will cover the first two points in this post and the second points in “Turning On The Light: Part 2,” which will be in your inbox in a few weeks.
To begin, let’s get into what on earth imposter syndrome even is. It’s such a buzz term that it has become pretty diluted and dangerously misused.